Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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