is your mom at the bar?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
