I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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