sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
