How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
