remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
