Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Four minutes until I can fart!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
