Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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