don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just cropdusted the office
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
