dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
