i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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