it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
