took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
