It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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