I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
