Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
