He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
