hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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