Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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