Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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