i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
