Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
