turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
