another moral hangover. fuck.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
