Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
