The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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