i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
