the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize