We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
