Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
