so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize