He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ugly people sure do ruin things
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What drink are we having for lunch?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
