She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
