Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
