she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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