sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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