Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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