oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
