WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
