I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
