do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
