hotel room ftw
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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