White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We need to get me chipped asap
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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