1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
