4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
