He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
