Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
