I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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