so explain again why im purple
no
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
