I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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