On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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