Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
