i just wanna soil my oats bro
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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