Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
