he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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