so explain again why im purple
no
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
