I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
