just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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