i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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