When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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