She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were trust falling into bushes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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