I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
