3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
