I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
