He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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