Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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