do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
