Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
