Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize