im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
