You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
