and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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