i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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