seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was confusing and full of hummus
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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