I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
