I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're like the curious george of whores
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
