Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
