Do you still have your period?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
