I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
