i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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