My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize