i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
