The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
