There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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